We strive for meaning and authentic connection in our relationships. This is only possible when we are known and loved for being who we are. You could call this an emotional foundation. Without the belief that you are not only accepted but loved for who you are, it is difficult to have trust. Trust is the foundation of relationships and is build through vulnerability and understanding.

The other day while I was about starting to make dinner for the family, my 6 y/o daughter walks up and asks for to wrestle with me. I said “I can’t I have to make dinner” with a stern face… she sulks away with her head down and pouts. I followed her to the stairs where she sat with tears starting to form in her eyes. I sat with her and asked her what she was feeling. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know. She was sad because I had been working all day and she missed me and wanted to play. I repeated what I said early only this time I gave her the gift of empathy. I shared that I wished I could wrestle with her too and that after dinner we will try to wrestle before bedtime.

Only after my daughter believed that I cared about what she felt and wanted did she feel good about our relationship again. Without taking the time to understand where she was coming from and what she wanted she felt dismissed and like she didn’t matter. I was able to make an emotional deposit in our relationship by taking the time to listen and understand her values and what is important to her. By doing this I allowed that to be as important to me as it was to her.

Take the time to create emotional foundations in your relationships by seeking to understand. Tell your spouse that you want to genuinely understand their experiences and stop talking long enough to listen to them. By giving them this gift, you allow yourself to be connected to them and they feel more connected to you.