We have talked about daily dialogue and annual evaluations, now let's talk about date night!  We have extremely busy lives and it is often difficult to create time with our partner… and only our partner.  Which is why it is so important to find a way to connect with each other.  One way to establish this routine is to put it on the calendar.  Just putting it on the calendar is not enough though, we must be intentional and follow through.  It has to be a priority.  It is important to create a space together where you only talk about each other.  Don’t talk about children or finances, both of which are really important aspects of our lives, but date night is a space to really dive into your relationship and explore who you are together.  When we do this, we are putting weekly deposits into each other’s emotional bank account.  

After being together for many years it can be difficult to find excitement in each other at times.  If you find yourself struggling with this, think back to when you were first dating.  What did you do together that you found joy in?  Maybe you could recreate an old date!  As we go through life we also change, I doubt you and your partner are the same people you were when you first met.  Sit down together and explore activities that you both find interesting and begin doing those activities together.  I have also had couples come in and tell me that they have nothing in common anymore which may be preventing them from spending much time together.  This can be an opportunity to try new things together.  Maybe you take a class together.  Or you could also try spending time together participating in activities that one of the partners enjoys.  Trade off weeks and take the chance to gain a deeper understanding into each other.  

Something we have talked about previously is the idea that what we focus on grows.  If you are showing intention and attention to the details of planning your date as well as executing the plans, you will continue to make deposits into your partner's emotional bank account and even your own!  If you are finding that you have a difficult time wanting to be a part of the planning and even at times participating in the date, take a step back and explore this feeling.  Just because you are feeling a sense of dread it does not mean that it has anything to do with your partner.  Maybe you had an unexpectedly difficult day at work and you are feeling emotionally tapped. It is okay to be open and honest with your partner and let them know how you are feeling.  I mentioned above how important it is to experience follow through, but flexibility is also important.  As long as you don’t make it a habit to push date night off you will be okay.  If you need to push off date night so you are able to be present and refreshed that is more important.  

Date night does not always have to mean going out to dinner and a movie, you can also participate in quality time without spending money.  Sit down with your partner and have an open discussion about what you are or are not comfortable with for a budget.  A date can include going on a hike, paddle boarding, or going to a local park.  Any time spent together and continuing to create shared meaning is what the goal of date night is.