Does your lack of clarity keep you from being understood?

by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

If you’re a bit like me, you have felt disappointed by your spouse in not meeting your expectations. This might have looked like someone not returning a smile or when you come home from work there is no greeting (much less a warm greeting). Feeling disappointed triggers anger and sometimes an icy distance from your spouse. To avoid this experience try the following…

Be curious… Being curious about this missed expectation allows for your spouse to share what they are thinking and feeling and what their understanding of that interaction was. When they open up and share this with you it allows you to clarify.

Be explicit… No, not vulgar. Simply ask specifically for what you were hoping for out of that situation and work together as to how you can make that happen.

Don’t let your need to win, your anger about being misunderstood, the fear of vulnerability continue to destroy the intimacy in your relationship. The good news is, with the two actions above, you create deeper intimacy, build stronger trust, and resolve conflict quicker with your partner.