Part 1: The first mental trap getting in the way of your dream relationship...

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

In your relationship, you may fall into a mental trap that keeps you from experiencing deep intimacy, resolution to conflicts, or trust.

This first mental trap is driven by fear or shame. At some point we were told that we can never be good enough or measure up. We may have simply experienced something that left us feeling helpless and small. Either way, the thought of trying something different or even succeeding at something seems just out of reach. We automatically assign failure as the only option when presented with an opportunity. Then naturally we see everyone else’s success and happiness on social media and our life looks like a failure by comparison. We learned helplessness and actually self-sabotage any potential success we may actually get because it doesn’t seem possible. The fear of failure paralyzes us from ever trying. Then to make matters worse, when we do get the willpower to try the thoughts of not being good enough get reinforced when we fail.

The good news is that once you are able to notice this pattern of thinking you can start to introduce a different story. It will take intentional effort to tell yourself a different story, but it’s possible. It will feel unnatural and like it is not right. This resistance is simply the first part of changing and showing up for your self and your relationship. Your partner will probably trigger this mental trap… this is expected but doesn’t have to throw you into a withdrawn-downhill spiral of self-sabotage. Acknowledge what goes on in your head, take a deep breath and risk showing up because your integrity and relationship depend on it.