Is your spouse someone to be loved, or fixed?

In the last post I talked about accepting your partner’s differences as a path to a better relationship. Often in my office I see couples who see each other’s differences as problems to be solved instead of something to love about them. The problem with that is when you see their personal values, perception, and experience as something to be fixed, you are covertly telling them that they are not enough.

This can come across in small moments that highlight the difference of how they do things different than you. This may be as simple as squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle instead of the end. Or how they fold the laundry, how you dice an onion, or even how you park the car. When you experience these moments and you insist that your way is the “right” way… you are automatically saying that their way is “wrong.” And when they hear that their way is wrong they feel that you are saying they are wrong for you. All of these moments are opportunities to get to know your partner better.

You can learn to enjoy your partner’s quirks and routines just like you can appreciate a piece of art. If you are a bit like me, you may not think something is done the way you think it should be, but you can appreciate the gift of them doing it. Also, when they light up because of a certain music or task they find enjoyable, you can learn to enjoy them in their joyful activity. The good news is that it is never too late to start appreciating your partners differences and uniqueness (even if it doesn’t feel natural to you). So seek out the opportunity to show your appreciation for your partner and communicate that they are someone to be loved, not someone to be fixed.

If you want to learn how to improve your relationship please schedule your free consultation now!