Am I Crazy, or Am I Being "Gaslit?"
Gaslighting happens a lot more than one might think, and it is sometimes even difficult to be sure if it is happening at all because of the confusing and “crazy-making” nature of it.
Gaslighting is a type of manipulation and emotional abuse that is subtle enough at times to make one question if it is really taking place as well whether their understanding of reality is accurate. As gaslighting abuse continues, the victims lose confidence in their ability to judge reality appropriately, which causes even further reliance on the perpetrator. When the term originally became mainstream, it was due to a play/movies called “Gas Light” which follows a wife being gaslit by her husband as he tried to make her insane to get her put in an institution. She had to endure her perceptions being eroded by the very person she should have been able to trust.
Common Gaslighting Techniques
-Putting you down or calling you names when you disagree with them, have your own needs and feelings, or try to talk with them about things you would like to have fixed or addressed.
-Insisting that you caused problems you didn’t cause or did things you didn’t do.
-Diminishes your viewpoint of how things have taken place.
-Works to convince outsiders that you are not well
-Denies their part in your concerns
-Denies your concerns in favor of the story they would like to tell and get you to believe instead
Why Gaslighting Happens
Gaslighting is an attempt to control someone and make the story what the gaslighter wants it to be rather than letting someone else take ownership of his or her own life. It’s all about control, power, and getting buy-in for their version of events.
You Might Be Experiencing Gaslighting If:
You feel confused by what you believe you know to be true and what the other person’s story says that opposes it.
You second guess yourself and have difficulty making clear decisions.
You start to doubt your abilities to know what is what.
You are labeled and told you are too sensitive, lying, making things up, etc…
You have started to question your own version of what you believe is true
You feel uneasy in some way but are not able to put your finger on exactly why
Your version of reality is continually upside down from the story someone else wants to make you believe
When your feelings and thoughts are constantly invalidated by someone else, especially someone you have a perceived close relationship with, and you find that you are in a world where down is up and up appears to be down, it can often be that confused sense inside you that indicates something is wrong. Trust your gut, because it is picking up on something that isn’t “right.” Often, the gaslighting behavior comes from someone with a diagnosable personality disorder, which causes them to lack reliable insight into the feelings and needs of anyone other than themselves and how they want to feel about themselves.
If you are being gaslit, please seek out support so that you can have someone in your corner to validate that you are not “crazy” but rather being manipulated.
Written by Michelle Croyle