Holidays with Family: Stressful or Fun?
The holidays can be very stressful when it comes to spending time with family. If your family likes to discuss topics that tend to get heated you are not alone! Our extended families, and even our nuclear families, often have differing views, especially around politics and religion. Due to this, it is so important to set healthy boundaries because it can be difficult to honor other’s perspectives and beliefs when the topics are tied to our identity. In other words, avoid those hot button issues!
One way to help set boundaries is to discuss what our expectations are with our partners. This can even be done through role playing different scenarios with each other. Practicing what our responses will be can help keep ourselves from becoming emotionally flooded because we already know what we are going to say! We can also plan different activities to participate in together, that way we are not sitting around and allowing the space to be filled with awkward conversations. Suggest going on walks or playing a game and accept the fact that not everyone will want to participate. Just make the most of the time with those who do.
Another way to manage stress around the holidays and to set boundaries within your nuclear family (your significant other and children) is to discuss what traditions and values you want to implement within your own family. Some discussion topics to start off with are, “What do we want?”, “What are your holiday memories from growing up?”, and “What things do we want to keep and continue as our own traditions?” This can be a vulnerable conversation so make sure that you have set aside time where you are able to be intentional with this conversation, traditions and values are part of our identity.
Practicing acceptance throughout the holiday season will also help manage stress. Traditions tend to change as we enter different life stages. Children grow up and get married and start to develop traditions of their own that may not align with ours. It is okay to be sad and upset about these changes, you do not need to hide and repress those feelings, but we do have to honor their new traditions and expectations. When we are able to do this we can truly enjoy the time we do have together and make the most of it.
It is also important to check-in with our partners throughout the holidays, maybe more so than we would typically do. We are often excited to see extended family or just get caught up in holiday preparations and in turn, may jeopardize our intimacy with each other. The holidays are a time to connect with those around us so don’t forget to connect within our most important relationships!
