How Can You Lay Down Your Life Within Your Relationship?
To carry on our conversation from the last post we will be talking about laying down your life within your relationship. First off though, let's explore what that even means. You probably have an image of the hero jumping in front of a bullet to save the main character of your favorite movie. While they literally laid their life down, what I mean is a little more simple than that. By laying your life down for your partner you are saying that they are so important to you, you will put your own desires and wants aside because you want to truly bless and give your partner something.
This kind of love is full of compromise, but remember not to lose yourself. I think within Christian relationships we may see this more often. In Ephesians there is scripture that states women should submit to their husbands, I am sure you have heard this quoted. What is often not quoted though is following verses exploring how men should love their wives like Christ loved the Church. A previous verse also says submit to each other. Now I am no theologian and I do not mean to claim I am, but when looking at Ephesians it is important to read all of Ephesians. Within a relationship having a voice and opinions creates mutual power. You and your partner may have differing values, thoughts and beliefs and that is okay! When we accept that our partner is different than us we can then come together as one. Recognizing both partners are equals.
When you get married God tells us to become “one.” How can we be one while still being independent? I think this idea is where things can often get confusing. Being one does not mean being synonymous with them though. When we put in the effort to connect with our partner and take into account their emotions, how they are showing up, their life history, we are able to then show compassion. When we do this we can create shared meaning. It can be difficult at times though when we are in conflict to accept our partners. Only 31% of conflicts within our relationships are “solvable” meaning that 69% of conflicts may be things that don’t have quick fixes. Knowing this can help us recognize that we are each our own person. Being able to say “This is how you are and this is how I am” can help us truly accept that we are human and our partners are as well. When we can do this and continue to move forward and compromise we are acknowledging that your love is more important. This actually builds resilience within our relationship and turns us away from bitterness.
One last thought for today, the goal is to have mutual power, not power over. Mutual power means both partners have a seat at the table. Sometimes it can be difficult to surrender our power. When you notice this struggle, take a minute to step back and ask yourself why this could be happening because power over is not the same as laying down your life. Compromise and negotiation are a part of relationships. Being able to sit down with your partner and say “I am willing to hear you” can make a world of difference within the power schema and how you communicate with one another.
As I mentioned above, I am not here to explain scripture, only to explore. These can be sticky concepts for some so if you still have questions or concerns I urge you to talk to a pastor!