How Can We Find Hope Through God and Goals?
As we enter the new year many of us will look back on the last year and see things we may want to change and do differently. We often do this by setting goals, or resolutions. But setting goals can also be hard! While some may be excited about the new year and what it brings, for others it may be a cause of fear and anxiety. There are a lot of unknowns that also come with a new year. December 31st can seem like a natural transition point because it gives us the opportunity to pause and try to gain a new perspective. This is something that we have the opportunity to do everyday though! If you did not set your goals by midnight on the 31st do not worry, it is not too late.
Before even setting goals we need to look at what our hopes are. Hope can help us determine our goals as well as give us a purpose. We also need to ask ourselves what brings us joy in our daily lives. Hope and joy are often intertwined and to find one you have to find the other. One way to find joy everyday is to understand that God gave us this day. By giving us this day to live he has also given us permission to live it to its fullest. I say this knowing that some days are just plain hard and that sometimes living the day to its fullest means that we just do the best we can. When we see ourselves the way that God sees us, we can stop struggling with our imperfections and black and white thinking. When we get stuck in black and white thinking there is not room for change. It can be hard to accept God’s love in this space because we will never be ‘perfect’ if there is no space to maneuver in the gray.
Being in a growth mindset and intentionally trying to make changes is a daily experiment and we may have to try many different things before we find what works. Thomas Edison tried over a thousand different versions of the light bulb before finding the one that actually worked. If he had just given up after the first few tries, electricity may look very different today! While we may not need to try a thousand different things to create change in our lives, it can at times feel like it. We may find ourselves reverting into old patterns at times and this is okay. All we can do when this happens is take responsibility for our words and actions, apologize, and then try to find a new way to create change. This effort has to be intentional though! By saying “Hmm, that didn’t feel right, let’s try something different next time” we are showing our partners that we are being intentional and are recognizing our part in the pattern.
One way to set goals and intentionally create change in our relationships is by creating SMART Goals (S = Specific, M = Measurable, A = Achievable, R = Realistic, and T = Time Sensitive). One problem that often occurs when setting goals is that they are too vague. This may look like saying that you want to communicate more with your partner. Okay, this sounds like a good goal, but how are you going to achieve this? What does communicating more look like? How will you measure this and know when you have reached your goal? Using the SMART Goals outline you can turn this goal into something that seems more attainable! Here is an example of the process of setting a new goal:
Me and my partner will meet in the same place around 3-4 times a week. Then you have to ask yourself if this is achievable. Do we have small children that may interrupt our 20 minutes together? If so, when do we have 20 minutes of uninterrupted time? Next is being realistic. If we feel like our mornings are always rushed, maybe that is not the best time to try to sit down and talk. Does 4 times seem like a lot with our busy schedule? And finally, our goal must be time sensitive. This means that we need to check-in with each other to see if this is working within a reasonable time frame. This could look like meeting at the end of the week and discussing what felt good and what did not work about that goal. But by not letting too much time go by before checking in, it makes it easier to make a change if needed.
New goal: Me and my partner will meet in the living room (specific) for 20 minutes at least 3 times a week (measurable and realistic) after the children have gone to bed (achievable) and will then check in at the end of the week to discuss what worked and what did not (time sensitive).
This is of course the goal, but that does not mean it is set in stone. We are human and things do come up in our lives that may at times prevent you from meeting your goal. This is where it is important to have the growth mindset because this allows for flexibility and to realize that if we did not reach our goals of 3 times a week, that is okay. We can check in with one another and see if it was just a fluke because something came up during our regular meeting time or if the time we designated does not actually work in our schedule and can make changes from there. By setting a goal with achievable steps we are also creating hope within ourselves and our relationships that change is possible!
