The Importance of Reflection

Would you like to be more productive and have more peace?  Then, the art of reflection just might be something that you would benefit from trying.  If you aren’t already in the habit of reflecting, it may take some practice to get into a routine and find a place to fit it into your schedule.  However, the benefits may more than save you the time that it you put in to doing it and may even save you time as you contemplate future actions that may produce more efficiency.

Reflection is the skill presidents have used when they’ve documented their days in office in their journals, what Biblical writers have done in penning Scriptures, what moms do when they make a photo album of their child’s special moments or a vacation, and what people do whenever big life events happen and hit the “pause” button on the busyness of everyday work and to-do list items.  Yet, it’s a powerful tool that you can use whenever you decide to.

Reflection allows space between events, people, and thoughts to gain a broader perspective.

Reflection helps us to take a step back and explore our thoughts and feelings on a deeper level, to decide how we feel about things, to consider how we impacted others or the situations in our lives, and to decide how we would like to change, improve, or proceed in the future.  It is a way to gain perspective and insight.

It is a tool that allows us to consider our impact on things and others as well as how we’ve been impacted by them.  It lets us take stock, assess, and regroup so that we can go forward in healthy ways rather than traveling down an unknown path in an unexamined hurry.

3 Steps to Practice Powerful Reflection

1) Choose Your Time and Your Tools: What time of day will work for you, what day of the week, for how long?  Paper Journal, an audio diary recording, a phone app, processing with a spouse or colleague, etc…

2) Choose Your Focus: A Relationship, A Circumstance, An Event, A Pain Point, A Perspective You Aren’t Sure If You Agree with or Not.

3) Ask Effective Questions:

For example: 

What am I pleased with?

What am I not pleased with?

What went well and, why?

What do I want to see happen, and how?

Written by guest blogger Michelle Croyle

6 Tips for Finding More Peace and Less Anxiety

Have you ever felt like the world is spiraling out-of-control?  It’s like the news, the internet, and social media, and more have collaborated together to keep the bad news coming 24 hours a day, day after day.  In news lingo, they say, “If it bleeds, it ledes,” which basically means that the worst events should be broadcast or printed front and center on the first page or at the beginning of a news program.  With the media constantly producing content that bombards us with painful information and alarming trends, it’s no wonder that anxiety is sky-rocketing.

Here are some ways to better protect yourself from the effects of anxiety:

1. Turn off the news, and step away from social media- In fact, stepping away from all technology, such as phones and iPads, for a few hours or a day at a time can really help your nervous system to feel more peaceful and less on alert.

2. Cut out toxic people from your life-If the channels of bad news don’t keep the stressors at bay, consider removing yourself from relationships that also bring along stress, anxiety, and bad news.  If you find that you are drained from dodging rude, critical, demanding, judgmental, or doomsday news sayers, it is okay to limit your time with them, set boundaries around what can be discussed, or even make the decision to part ways.  Your mental and emotional health is more important than the destructive input from unsafe people.

3. Think about your thinking- Do you say negative things in your own self-talk inside your mind?  We all “talk to ourselves” internally.   Make sure to challenge any thoughts that are not true, good, or in alignment with the type of life you are striving to live.  Work to improve this internal chatter, and to make your self-talk healthy, flexible, and positive in nature.

4. Build a healthy routine for yourself- Dependability and predictability makes things feel safer. Work to schedule your sleeping and waking times at regular intervals, to carve out exercise, studying, working, chore, and relaxations routines for even more stability and peace.

5. Hang out with healthy, happy people-It has been said that we become like those we hang around, so make sure you build up your social network to include people who bring out the best in you, create optimism, and offer support.  You may just find you feel better just being you in their presence.

6. Take time each day to focus on the present moment- Mindfulness is basically a catchall term for things that keep our focus in the present moment so that the effects of life stressors can’t rattle us.  To do this, try breathing in and out and focusing only on the fact that you are breathing for about five or ten minutes at a time.  If chattering thoughts try to distract you, just let them know you will chat with them later and let them go as if they float away on imaginary clouds as you return to what you are intending to focus upon.  You can do this present moment awareness by focusing on how it feels to pet your dog or cat for five or ten minutes, what sounds you hear in nature as you take a walk for five or ten minutes, what you read in Scripture.  Practice making your own unique combination of present moment strategies for keeping yourself out of fear of the future and away from pains of the past.

Our counselors would love to help you with your stress and anxiety management goals so that you can experience more peace.  Contact us to get started at: 541-275-0412

Written by Michelle Croyle

Peace Keeping vs Peace Making

A teenager was sharing with her mother about an issue that some others were having in their relationship.  The teen was close enough to those involved that she was emotionally aware of the stress but not actively engaged in the conflict.  In trying to help her daughter to navigate such tricky relationships, the mother gave the following advice, “Just keep your mouth shut.”  

Of course, this mom was attempting to be helpful and to keep her child out of arguments, drama, and chaos, but what she actually was doing was advising her daughter to walk away from being a potential source of help and support to those about whom she cares.  Perhaps, by taking part in the conflict right outside her proverbial front door, she could actually help her friends in their resolution.  

While what her mom advised may sound like a piece of solid wisdom, it is actually, fundamentally flawed.  There are times that it may be wise or even beneficial to remain silent, but there are many other times where seeking to be a peace keeper rather than a peace maker is doing more harm than good.  In these times, peace keeping can be harmful, and peace making can be beneficial.

What is the Difference Between Peace Keeping and Peace Making?

The following are some Key Reasons Peace Keeping Can Be Harmful:

• Peace Keeping can be an avoidance technique that allows sin to continue unchallenged.

• Peace Keeping is an attempt to manage what things seem to be on a surface level and fails to address the deeper and more meaningful roots of issues where true growth can happen when these places are directly addressed.

• Peace Keeping can keep important information silent when what really would be helpful is for it to be known.

• Peace Keeping can unintentionally serve as a silent endorsement of something that is clearly wrong by omitting the opportunity to disagree and take an appropriate stand for something that is not okay.

• Peace Keeping can leave others alone as the peace keeper neglects standing up for people who deserve it and neglects confronting what needs to be confronted.

• Peace Keeping focuses more upon covering up conflict rather than truly building up those involved.

In truth, avoiding taking a stand or speaking up isn’t always helpful, but it may provide the allusion of being a good thing.

Key Reasons Peace Making Can Be Helpful:

• When truth is spoken, it challenges the lies and changes hearts

• Peace making is internally edifying in the peace maker and in those people and situations that the peace maker speaks truth into

• It encourages others to become the best versions of themselves

• A peace maker can help to break down the obstacles that get in the way of true connection with others, and this can open the way to health in the situation or relationship.

So, if you find that you are acting more as a peace keeper than a peace maker, I encourage you to consider the cost of that surface level peace.  It may just be more costly than you imagined, especially if confronting people and issues in an appropriate way now may save years of further conflict down the road for all involved.