Am I Being Religiously or Spiritually Abused?

Religious or spiritual abuse is a topic that is a tricky subject to discuss because the very nature of belonging to a religious community or subscribing to a certain belief structure can sometimes make it challenging to know if a legitimate premise of the overall structure is to be adhered to as a valuable and healthy tenet or if it is something that isn’t right and unhealthy. Since right and wrong are often the guidelines that Spiritual communities serve, it can get confusing as to whether those things that don’t sit with us don’t sit with us because we are committing some kind of human error or because we are actually picking up on something toxic from the human organization or any corrupt human beings in the organization that is contaminating something otherwise good.   

For instance, in the general Christian belief system, divorce is not something that is endorsed.  So, some women feel they must submit to their husband’s bad treatment of them so that they can do what is supposedly “right” in God’s sight.  The problem with this is that if the religious entity the couple belongs to does not challenge the husband’s poor behaviors and support the wife, they are actually going against God’s design of not enabling sin.  The abuse is that the woman God cares about is being abused by sin and being treated such that an “institution” is more important than the person, which is not at all the Biblical meaning.

Yet, left unchallenged, this can be confusing to people who think that if they just “suck it up” they will be doing what they need to do to be spiritually safe.

Questions You May Have:

-Am I Just Not A Good Enough Follower?  Am I Wrong or Are They?

-Am I Making Too Big a Deal Out of This?

-Am I The Only One Who Feels This Way?

-Would I Have Any Support If I Speak Up or Rock the Boat?  

-Could It Get Worse for Me In Some Way If I Speak Up?

Healthy Spirituality and Institutions Allow You to Disagree

God Himself gives each human being the free will to choose whether they believe in Him and want to submit their lives to His Lordship or not.  It is about relationship and not force or manipulation.  

If religious leaders are not giving you the ability to choose for yourself who you will serve and what you will believe, they are trying to take away a basic right that God Himself has given to you.  So, if that is something you are experiencing, run.

Here are other indicators you may want to look for to determine if you are being religiously or spiritually abused:

Questioning Is Not Allowed

• Forcing or Badgering Into An Action or Inaction Is Taking Place

• Leadership Is Not Open to Their Own Growth and Correction Needs

• Things You Say or Do Are Being Twisted

• Personal Accountability Is For Everyone Else but Not Leadership

• Leadership is Telling You the Way They See It Rather Than What God’s Word Says

Ways You Can Determine If You Are In A Spiritually Abusive Situation

• Pray and Look at What the Bible Says on the Topic

• Seek out and Speak to Someone Outside of the Organization Whom You Respect

• Keep Seeking Clarity Until You are Satisfied You Have The Information You Need To Make A Healthy Decision. 

• Tune Into Your Body.  Is your stomach constantly in knots around someone in spite of you trying to believe the best in them and give them the benefit of the doubt?  Do you wake with nightmares or feel ashamed and embarrassed for speaking up?  Take these as potential clues that something isn’t quite right.

Healthy people are willing to have a two way discussion where differences of opinion and questions can be tolerated.  If you need a safe place to unpack what you are experiencing and think it might be spiritual or religious abuse, please reach out to us here: 541-275-0412

Written by guest blogger Michelle Croyle