Listening to What Isn’t Being Said
While spouses often wish that their significant other could read their minds to make things easier, there is no magical way to be sure that mental telepathy is possible besides talking with one another and communicating effectively. However, in such communication, it is possible to come across as amazingly in tune and caring when you practice the art of listening to what isn’t being said.
To listen to what isn’t being said, it is important to realize that communication takes place in ways that are more than simply words being uttered or written. Non-verbal communication can speak volumes.
Non-verbals are things like a long pause after a sentence, a glance or slight shift of the body in one direction or another during a talk, the way arms fall open or hold tightly close across one’s chest.
If you want to become an expert listener, pay attention to the words, for sure. Yet, pay attention to the following for even more clarification on the message being sent your way.
Pay Attention to What Body Language Might Mean-If someone is saying one thing with words, but their movements and body positioning is not seeming to agree, the person might be battling what they want inside of themselves. If this is confusing to you, this might be a good time to speak up and say something like, “I hear what you are saying, but I’m wondering if you can tell me if there is something else going on because your words say one thing, but it seems your body language is saying another.”
Notice the Energy Level of the Other Person- If someone’s words speed up, they might be in a hurry, or they might be frustrated, or they might be anxious. While you may not be able to tell exactly, noticing the speed at which someone speaks can give you more information that what is being verbally said. For instance, if a person stutters, they might be nervous, or their mind might be racing with many thoughts at once. If a person repeats what they have just said another time or two within the same dialogue, they might be unsure if they are being taken seriously or if they are being heard and understood with their point being gotten across.
Listen for the Feeling Underneath the Words- Watching for facial expressions that might look like a certain emotion is being conveyed can add to the depth of the words you are hearing.
Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes-Considering how you would feel if you were in the same situation and with the same considerations that they other is in can help you to see things from a new perspective that may better inform the message you are getting.
Pay Attention to the Volume-Noticing if someone’s volume increases with their words could mean that they are passionate about something, think something is particularly important, or feel that they are not being understood. Noticing if someone’s volume decreases might be indicating that they are uncertain, timid, or nervous about what they are saying. Noticing a monotone might convey some sadness, apathy, or depression under the surface.
While you can never be certain that you are fully understanding someone else unless they confirm it for you, these tips may help you to listen to what isn’t being said so that you can grow in connection to those important to you.
If you could use assistance sorting through your interactions with others and getting clear on how you feel and think, counseling can help. Let us know if we can help by contacting us at 541-236-3057.
Guest blog writing by Michelle Croyle