Who Do You Want to Be: Victim or Hero?

We play many roles throughout our lives, child, parent, friend, employee, etc.  We can also play a victim or hero at different times in our lives… as well as different times in a single conversation!  Here is an example, we talked about enneagrams a few posts ago so go check that at or do a quick google search to get more information.  The enneagram type 2 individual is called “The Helper.”  You won’t be shocked to hear that a lot of counselors are considered type 2.  One of the negative aspects of this personality is that in their desire to serve or help they can at times do so even when it is unwarranted or unhealthy for them or the recipient.  These individuals genuinely think that they are being a hero and when it doesn’t play out the way that they expected, they can become a victim.  

Now, let's actually explain what a hero and a victim is.  A hero is an individual who is proactive in doing what is right, especially when it is hard.  This individual would also take responsibility for themself regardless of the environment or the circumstance.  On the other hand, a victim is an individual who allows outside circumstances to control them.  When something happens to them they don’t know what to do and feel helpless in the situation.  This is where passivity comes in which will be the topics of the next few discussions.  Passivity is a lack of action.

When it comes to our relationships, we are often at the mercy of the circumstance.  We can choose to react and respond, but we cannot control outside forces.  Having a victim mentality in this case would look like not taking action even when it is possible to.  We can easily fall into these roles over and over due to patterns we create in our relationships.  We often learn when we are young how to react and respond and sometimes this looks like not taking action.  This creates learned helplessness though which teaches that even when we can take action, we don’t.  

This victim mentality can often be seen in the Christian community as well.  It is believed to stem from the idea of servanthood and being subservient.  These ideas are not quite biblical though.  Being in service of others is, but not to the extreme of servanthood.  A verse that people often turn to is Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” when they are trying to make individuals subservient.  What people fail to do is read a few verses later where it says “Husbands, love your wifes, just as Christ Loved the Church and gave himself up for her.”  We are all called to have a strong voice.  It says to give yourself to one another like Christ did for us, nowhere does this say stop being assertive and speaking up about your needs. 

In another podcast called The Shrink Think Podcast, they explore the idea of the Fear Triangle.  The triangle has three perspectives; the rescuer who is a person always trying to go in and help; the prosecutor who forces their way and makes you feel bad about it; and the victim who is focused on the subject of their environment and does not take any action to better their situation.  When we get stuck in the triangle we tend to identify with one dominant type, but can rotate between all three postures.  One is not necessarily ‘better’ than the others, in reality, we want out of the triangle completely.  The rescuer and the prosecutor aspects have an underlying ability to become victims easily.  This is just when there is a true belief that you have no control over yourself and that you can't do anything about your situation.

We all have the capability to play the hero or the victim in every single experience we have.  If you aren’t sure which one you are acting on take a second to sit down and see how your body is feeling.  Are you exhausted?  Feel defeated? Are you still taking action anyway?  If you think you have been leaning towards the victim end, there is no judgement!! Everyone has at some point.  By acknowledging where you are you can then move forward.  Being a hero means that when we come across hardships, we see them as an opportunity to grow and change.  By becoming self-aware you are taking the first step towards becoming a hero.  Everyone has the ability to be a hero, we just have to acknowledge where we are currently!